I watched them die.
I watched them die every day
and stayed in my shell
with my night light
because I’m afraid of too much
darkness,
and because I’m allergic to the
sun, so
I watched them die and
I let them die.
I let them die every day.My friends are gone and
taken away.
They’re gone. I…
My name is Narmien Haddad,
and I am a female,
human being.
I live in a world of agony
and lust,
and I live in a body of
worthlessness and shame.
It’s no good,
feeling sorry for myself.
because I can do
nothing
about my situation
and neither can you.
What I think doesn’t matter,
but it…
13 or so more days.
There are some things that aren’t
meant to be written and
There are some things that aren’t
meant to be felt.
But we’ve all got to deal with what
we’ve all got.
and the truth cannot stay inside
all the while.
It has to come out.
It has to be said
even if only to ourselves.
There is no more hope for that
future I once dreamt of
when
dreams brought subconscious
smiles to my face and
all I did was fake
my sorrow and pain and
desperation.
It’s over, done? No.
It never was.
Never will be.
And there’s nothing absolutely that
I can do about it.
Sick to my stomach and
knife to my heart.
My invincibility has died, and
I only wish it will come back.
I am here, do not worry.
I will not go anywhere for
7 days.
The heat and flies melt my brain
to mush, and I swear my
thought cells are dying as
if by machine guns.
Cana is where Jesus turned
water to wine,
but I drank whiskey..
Nothing is ever right
when it should be.
I act when none see it
and am fooled when all are
free to watch.
Don’t ask me what my name is
and my purpose is known
to only One.
Don’t tell me what to do or
who to be or
what to be
because I refuse to give up on
being my own person.
I am an individual and
I am an independent
and I am an unknown.
But, so? So.
I am in a room that belongs
to someone who does not
belong to me.
I stare at every inch of every
thing and cannot form
words in a single language.
I knew not love like that
and I know not hate like this.
All my work is forgotten.
God loves me only in letting me
live on.
One more time, fly, come
whisper in my ear!
I am sticky and hurting.
but I cannot move
or heal.
Something is wrong.
Something is always wrong.
